1 post tagged “jealousy”

So, its time to rant. I talk hella shit in this, so if you dont have a strong heart, I suggest you skip it.

Time for some backstory...

I have 15 cousins on my mom's side of the family. This is the family I grew up with. Being the only child, I depended on my cousins as forms of siblings. We hardly hang out as it is, but one thing we do every year is secret santa. Our parents think we don't deserve gifts anymore since many of us are well into our 20's. So we all took it upon ourselves to give each other Christmas gifts.

This year, instead of the usual top five, it was decided to make profiles of ourselves in order give a more meaningful gift to each other. The assignment was to create a profile about ourselves to give our secret santa a better picture of who we are and what we like. I was actually excited to do this because it was a chance to show my interests other than "computers."

So, before I go on, I need to explain to you about my status in the family. For some strange reason, I am placed on this pedestal among my cousins that I am a successful executive genius who is to be the next bill gates. I'm sure that from all my blog posts, you know I'm far from it. I don't have the inventive genius that successful business folks have. At this point in my career, I take the orders and execute them. Thats it. Still, I have this reputation that Bill Gates' blood runs through my veins.

The shit I talk about, the words I use - for some reason, no matter what I do or say it's foreign to them and just too complex for them to understand. Simple things like, "Have you heard of the new Blackberry Bold? You can surf the internet on it and look at webpages fullscreen!" or "This phone is also an MP3 player." I get nothing but wierd looks and wtf faces. I really don't think shit like that is anywhere near genius. ITS FUCKING COMMON KNOWLEDGE.

So hopefully, that can kinda give u an idea...

I write my profile. I talk about my career, what I'm focused on, my interests, where I work, what I love doing. And I also answer the required questionaire. My tone of writing in this profile is a little rough. A tone of an elite ethug dances through my paragraphs saying things like "if you dont know what it is, google it." Or "welcome to the internet." Simple jabs that I find comical when I read through my usual daily forums.

At the end, I finish it off saying, "No, I will not fix your computer for christmas." Somehow, it has been established that since I work on websites, I'm an IT desktop support expert. Computers are computers I guess.

Keep in mind, these immediate cousins I grew up with, we grew up in the same neighborhoods. As they got older, their parents got more money and they moved to the nicer, newer neighborhoods. We all went to similar schools, despite our financial sitatuations. Straight up tho, I grew up in a somewhat sketchy neighborhood. These fuckers grew up in the burbs. I made best with what I got while they all had all the cool toys, clothes, popularity, and cars. While they all had new cars off the lot when they got a license, I drove a ten year old DX - I still drive the same car btw. My point is, I got shit while they got gold. I make best with what I had, these fuckers whined and complained when they didn't get what they wanted.

So anyways, back to the profile stuff. I submit it to everyone and... FUCK what a trainwreck. My cousin fires back an email mocking everything I wrote about myself. I talk about how proud I am to finish school, and actually enjoy what I do for a living. Takin an excerpt from his email, "but thanks for that very interesting read. it really made me feel great to be related to a computer online marketing website making individual like yourself. not all of us knows (or gives a fuck) what  a google chat is and but you showed me!  lol"

Thanks asshole. Here I am trying to be real, and he shoves it in my face. I could see two of my other cousins rolling their eyes as they read my profile like "wtf is he talking about?" It's easy to play dumb rite? Looks cool not knowing shit and staying in the dark about everything amrite? So I ask them straight up what they think of me. I'm told that I'm arrogant and that I'm a "holier than thou" genius. What these fucktards don't get is that using a computer doesn't equal genius. And talking about make up and dumbass gossip doesn't interest me like it used to. Pick up a newspaper you fucks. Be aware of the world around you. Seriously, I don't get it. One of them tries to ease the tension by saying, "its ok. next time, just keep in mind who you're talking to. Not all of us have a great mind like yours." If she was trying to be nice, wtf would it sound like if she was trying to be mean?

FUCK. No matter what I do, I'm always gonna get this bullshit. This is the very reason why I stopped hanging out with them in the first place. Dumb fucks always getting on my case and telling me shit they approve of and dont. Prying into my life, sending shittexts to girls I talk to, prank calling my chicks and shit. Then hating on my latest girl and acting like high school drama clique shit. GROW UP. I don't know why one of them hates my girlfriend so much. Whenever I bring my gf around, she gives my girl this strange fake ass high pitched hi and immediately looks at me to pretty much say "see i said hi to her, happy?" No, I'm not. YOU'RE the reason why I never bring her around. This is the same girl who asks where shes at. Like she fucking cares. And whatever I say to call it out, or point out, itll always be my girlfriend's fault. This cousin gave me shit for not wanting to live with her, then convinced herself my gf was the reason why I didn't move in. Please, I call my own shots, and just cuz I kept it real that day, you gotta find a place to blame it on other than urself.

This isn't all of my cousins btw, its just some of the ones I immediately grew up with. When I changed my major, got serious and focused on my career, they started giving me a hard time when I stopped hanging out. This was also around the same time I started dating my gf. I guess thats why my cousin(s) hates my girl. The scapegoat that made me disappear? Please. I grew up, deal with it.

The email reply talked about how I've got a glorified career that makes bills disappear, and how smart I am to be a college graduate. This fucker just graduated out of culinary school. Whats the difference? Graduating is graduating, welcome to life. He tells me about how he has bills to pay and time is money. Like I dont. He lives with his mother, I live on my own. If anything, I SHOULD COMPLAIN ABOUT BILLS. Fuckin asshole, go drink a bottle of soy sauce.

So the day after, I get all these apologies and shit. Kissing ass trying to talk about shit I like. Yea right. Cmon, I know whats up already, aint no reason to cover that shit up you fucks.

So this is the rant at its best. I got a bunch of "siblings" that act like dicks and are jealous of nothing. One is a chef, the other, a nurse, and another one is a fucking manager that makes more money than me. But how is it that I, blogswell, am more successful than any of these fuckheads. If anything, they're at higher levels than I am. I just know when to act when I need to. These fucks need to ask their parents before they do anything. Cmon. How the fuck can u survive in this world if u cant make decisions on ur own?

I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but its these same asshats that I'm also closest to in my family. I guess thats why it hits the hardest. What kinda family support is that shit anyway? I put myself wide open in that email and this was the shit I get back? These fucks got brothers and sisters to lean on. I gotta rough it out on my own. And I do. I paved my own career path(and some advice from a couple friends). The manager that makes more bank than me copied my major when she couldn't find her own. The nurse followed her mom. The chef, well.. im not sure what led him to that actually(but i am happy he finally stuck with something). I drove my own line in online marketing cuz thats what I like/want. I think I deserve a little credit man. I work hard for mine, I'm independent, and I take care of myself. I don't live off my girlfriend's tip, I don't live with my parents, and I don't live at my parent's rental house for free. I fuckin do this shit on my own you asshats. Doesn't take a genius to be responsible and make good decisions. Eat a bowl of shit and recognize.

rant done. noproofreading.

PS. So if you fucks ever read this, "its all love right? its just taking a big wieght off my shoulders, we're family, we're blood, we can work this out" rite? Bitches spitting lines at me all day. Making excuses about how I'm wrong for doing what I do. And when I get pissed about being labeled IT tech support, I get the cold sholder. WTF U THINK? I get a room full of vague, stupid ass computer problems that can probably be solved if you stop looking at porn or logging into myspace. "My shits broke, my shit dont work, what should I buy? Where do I buy this? I don't get it, whats a Bamzu?" Pour a glass of orange juice on your laptops and shut the fuck up.

Bottom line is, you fucks cant deal with reality, you cant take it when I become real so you bring it back like I'm the prick. Get over yourselves. I just play the bigger man and let it off since I know you fucks would whine and cry about it till u got your way. Good luck raising children.

now the rant is done.